A Lesson Learned October 28, 2007

Much to my dismay, my boyfriend and I have decided to take a break. For the past week I’ve cried, moped, complained, and worried about the future. I have been a ball of anxiety. Wondering if all my plans and hopes for this relationship had gone to waste.

Apparently it took a crisp, clear autumn morning for me to gain a bit of clarity.

When I met my boyfriend, I knew almost immediately that I’d met an amazing person. Over the past few months, he’s made lasting impressions on my life in ways I can’t begin to list. It was easy to make him the center of my world. My intentions were noble, but I can see now the error I made in doing so. When we first met, I led a life that I loved. Far from perfect, but one that I was proud of. A life of balance. When we met I was so happy, that I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. Not an easy task, as we live 3 hours apart. I’m not quite sure where I lost myself… but I can see now how I’ve unraveled. Because I was there every weekend, I had to give up time with my friends, going to church on Sunday mornings, even keeping my apartment in order. Some things that I valued, and that gave my life the critical balance that I need. This weekend I’ve been sad and missed my boyfriend more than I can even describe. But I’ve also been able to spend time with my friends and work on projects at my apartment, and get back some of the other things that were important to me. Get back to the person I was a few months ago. For the past week I’ve been trying to figure out why we’ve been arguing so much. I’ve finally figured it out. Because I’m not balanced which is making me unhappy which is not the girl I am or the girl he fell in love with. He’s often encouraged me to stay home a weekend or two. I always protested. Now I know why… I guess I’m a slow learner.

I’m not sure what the future holds for us. I miss him every minute of the day. But I know that growth can be painful sometimes. And that’s what I’ve realized… this break is an opportunity for me to grow. To understand that I need to maintain some order and balance in my life. Maybe that means I won’t be able to see him every weekend, but that when I do, I’ll appreciate the time we have together and I’ll be a much happier person. The person that he loves.