I am officially old! February 19, 2008

I went for my first eye exam in about 6 years on Saturday. I didn’t expect much from my visit. I’ve had 20/20 vision my entire life. My eyes seem strained at the end of the day and I get the occasional headache, but that’s to be expected when you are in front of a computer as much as I am. So I went in anticipating a $75 eye exam… However, three hours later I walked out with a $400 pair of glasses. Of course, I just had to have DKNY (designer) frames! But hey, I’m going to be wearing these a lot… so why settle on a pair that I don’t really like. The new glasses have been a hit so far. I ran into a guy I used to date on Saturday night who kept telling me over and over how hot I looked. And have gotten several compliments from people I don’t even know. So I guess it’s not a total wash. But I can’t help feeling a bit aged. It’s kind of a rule in my family that we have good vision until our mid-30’s… and then it’s downhill from there. But hey… it’s okay. I may be getting older, but at least I’m still hot!

Is it Thursday yet? January 14, 2008

My second interview at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital is on Thursday morning. I’m feeling very anxious right now. I almost wish it were Wednesday evening instead of Monday afternoon. I’m trying to prepare as much as I can, but I get really nervous during interviews. Which is funny… because I’ve done a lot of phone recruiting as well as some face to face interviews. As much as I know about the process, it still scares me to death. But I know that all I can do is prepare myself and go in with confidence. The rest I can’t control. And if they don’t choose me, then it just means there is something better out there waiting on me. Wish me luck!    

my new year January 3, 2008

I have to be honest; I’m not a big fan of “New Years.” I generally find the whole concept to be a little silly. I mean, we’re just putting up a new calendar, right? Does anyone actually keep their list of resolutions?  

I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster the last year or so, especially the last couple of months. And I’ve been doing a lot of thinking… thinking about who I am, what my goals are, how I can improve and grow, what lessons I’ve been learning.  

Here’s what I’ve come up with… 

I have amazing friends. I have this inner circle of people in my life that are just wonderful people. The circle changes from time to time, but I know that the people in it really have my best interests at heart. What also brings me joy, are the people who I might not talk to every day, but who really step up for me when I’m going through a difficult time.  

My family loves me. They may not always be there for me in the way that I need them. They may hurt my feelings, drive me crazy, and act like jerks sometimes. But I know that underneath it all, they really do love me. And that’s the important thing.  

That being said… I need to start creating boundaries. I can’t control others, but sometimes I let them control me. I let other people influence my decisions and my actions. This isn’t always a bad thing. Many times people give me great advice. However, I tend to get caught up in the negative sometimes. I let people upset me, who are not important and who don’t have my best interests at heart. I need to have the clarity to see who is appropriate to let in, and who I need to just leave on the fringes of my life.  

I need to stop “sweating the small stuff.” Sometimes I don’t even realize that I do it. I definitely don’t mean to. I think it’s a product of me being stressed about other things and not dealing with them properly. So instead of focusing on little things that don’t matter, I need to figure out what I’m really upset about and focus on fixing that instead.  

I need to stop being passive-aggressive. I want to make some changes in my life. I’m scared to make them and I get overwhelmed easily. If something is too hard, I either ignore it or run for my life in the opposite direction. So I get nothing done, whatever the situation is, it’s still there and it’s staring me in the face. Then I get stressed about it and I start “sweating the small stuff” because I’m too afraid to deal with the big stuff.  

I need to enjoy the moment, instead of worrying about the future. The future is going to come, whether I worry about it or not. I only have so much control and the rest I can’t do anything about. So why not put my fear and anxieties aside, and enjoy what’s happening in the present…  

These things are easier said than done. I’ve experienced a lot in almost 32 years. Not all of it has been positive. I’ve been deeply hurt by people I trusted. And that makes it hard to change, hard to grow, hard to let go of the defense mechanisms and the strongholds that I’ve clung to for so long. But I know that it’s time to make some changes around here.  

Clarity and courage… those are my resolutions for 2008… so bring it on.