Dude! June 12, 2008

I’ve been the worst blogger ever the past couple of months! Sorry about that.

 

Things like an amazing new relationship, enjoying the sunshine, moving into a new apartment, being the worst HR Specialist ever, loathing my job, and falling down the stairs (again!) + a trip to urgent care have been absorbing my time. I’ll blog more about most of these things, as I’m sure you are just sitting on the edge of your seat to read about them…well, maybe not all of them…actually, probably just me falling down the steps! (Which is apparently something I’m really talented at, too bad that’s not a paying gig!)

Just call me Grace March 12, 2008

In the spirit of celebrating dorkiness, here are just a few reminders of why I’m not cool…

When I was about 4 years old, I was running through the house and tripped. I fell face-first, cutting open my forehead, nose and chin. I still remember going to the ER to get the butterfly stitch above my left eye. On days when I don’t wear makeup, you can still see the scars on my face. This is the reason your mother tells you not to run in the house.

In kindergarden, I was playing in the floor of our living room near where my grandmother was sitting in a recliner, which just happened to rock back and forth. Mesmerized by the sway of the big white puffy chair, I decided I would experiment and see what would happen if I stuck something between the chair and the base. One of those just happened to be my finger. I don’t think I have words to describe how it felt. My nail turned a few colors before finally giving up and coming off. My fingernail eventually grew back, but it’s still a little on the flat side. I wish I were kidding.

In the second grade, I had the best bike ever. It was pink with a white basket, and fluorescent-colored beads on the chrome spokes of the wheels. It was pimp. One summer day I was playing in our driveway, riding my bike in silly circles. And I thought to myself… I wonder what would happen if I put my foot in the spokes of the front wheel. I can tell you with certainty that your leg will twist and you will fall of your bike and then the bike will fall on top of you. And then you will cry. A lot.

Just after college, I moved into a loft-style apartment on the second and third floors of an older Victorian-style building. The wood stairway leading the front door was narrow and the steps were small. One morning, as I rushed out the door late for work, I missed one of those little steps and crash landed a couple of stairs down. Did I mention that I was carrying a full glass of chocolate milk? It wasn’t enough that I was in intense pain… No, I had to experience complete and total humiliation. There was milk on the steps, on the wall, on the door, on my clothes, and (lucky me!) in my hair. I ended up with a sore sciatic nerve and a dark purple bruise the size of Texas on the back of my thigh. Like I always say, go big or go home.

Speaking of steps… I’m one of the few who are gifted with the ability to trip up the stairs as well as down. Does that make me ambidextrous? Probably not in a good way.

I am officially old! February 19, 2008

I went for my first eye exam in about 6 years on Saturday. I didn’t expect much from my visit. I’ve had 20/20 vision my entire life. My eyes seem strained at the end of the day and I get the occasional headache, but that’s to be expected when you are in front of a computer as much as I am. So I went in anticipating a $75 eye exam… However, three hours later I walked out with a $400 pair of glasses. Of course, I just had to have DKNY (designer) frames! But hey, I’m going to be wearing these a lot… so why settle on a pair that I don’t really like. The new glasses have been a hit so far. I ran into a guy I used to date on Saturday night who kept telling me over and over how hot I looked. And have gotten several compliments from people I don’t even know. So I guess it’s not a total wash. But I can’t help feeling a bit aged. It’s kind of a rule in my family that we have good vision until our mid-30’s… and then it’s downhill from there. But hey… it’s okay. I may be getting older, but at least I’m still hot!

crappy valentine’s day! February 8, 2008

I’ve obviously got too much time on my hands today… Actually that’s untrue, as I’m working on a recruiting project for the next few weeks. I suppose I just need a quick mental respite from the deluge of resumes I’ve been reviewing.

1. Describe your favorite romantic/love scene from a movie.

Okay, I have to be honest here… I’m not really a chick flick kind of girl. I’d much rather see something with a great plot, or with no plot at all but that makes me laugh until my insides hurt. But the first scene that comes to mind is the ending of Bridget Jones’s Diary. Bridget is about to run off to Paris for a holiday with her friends and is surprised to see Mark Darcy at her door. He’s come back from America to kiss her goodbye. They go upstairs, he ends up reading her diary and the awful things she’s written about him, and then leaves abruptly. She chases after him wearing a sweater and her underoos on a cold, snowy London night. Finds him to apologize about the diary…. To find that he’s just left to buy her a new diary. And then he wraps his coat around her and they kiss. Mark Darcy loves her… just as she is. I’ve been waiting a very long time for my “Mark Darcy,” who loves me… just as I am.  (And if he looked like Casey Affleck, I wouldn’t be mad about it.)  

2. What was your worst Valentine’s Day experience?

Seeing as how I’ve been single for the last five Valentine’s days, I can’t really remember… in fact, I think I’ve blocked all Valentine’s days from memory. This year I have an appointment with my therapist on Valentine’s Day!! I’m trying to decide if this is ironic or appropriate, or perhaps a fun little cocktail of both.

3. What is your favorite restaurant for a Valentine’s dinner out?

Please see above. I’m beginning to wonder if this survey is antagonizing me…

4. List a hot/romatic line from a song that you like.

David Gray’s Please Forgive Me

“Please forgive me if I act a little strange, for I know not what I do. Feels like lightening running through my veins, every time I look at you. Help me out here, all my words are falling short, and there’s so much I want to say. Want to tell you just how good it feels when you look at me that way………….. I’ve got half a mind to scream out loud. I’ve got half a mind to die. So I won’t ever have to lose you, girl. I won’t ever have to say goodbye. I won’t ever have to lie.”

Ben Folds‘ Luckiest is a close second…

“I don’t get many things right the first time, in fact I am told that a lot. Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls, brought me here. And where was before the day that I first saw your lovely face? Now I see it every day. And I know… that I am, I am, I am the luckiest…………… I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you.”

5. What is the cheesiest aspect of Valentine’s Day?

D. All of the above

6. Did you have any elementary school traditions for Valentine’s Day?

We always had a afternoon party where we had pizza and snacks and exchanged Valentines. I would spend hours the night before painstakingly choosing just the right Valentine for each of my classmates… making sure it sent just the right message. I always reserved the best Valentine’s for my home girls, and of course for the boy I liked. The people I didn’t like as well… eh, it was the bottom of the pile for them. It was always excruciating wondering what kind of Valentine the cute boys would give you. Would it be pretty? What would it say? Would he write “Love,” before he signed his name? Would he even give you a Valentine at all, crushing your school girl dreams?

7. What fictional character do you have a crush on and why?

My first fictional crush was on Ricky Stratton from Silver Spoons. I thought he was adorable… and I really wanted to play on that train that went through the house!

8. How old were you when you had your first, real kiss? Was it good or bad?

I remember being in 6th grade and kissing a boy named Nathan. I’m pretty sure it was terrible.

9. Describe the most uncomfortable crush someone has had on you.

This is a lesson children… and the lesson is, don’t try to be nice. A few years ago I worked as a barista after being downsized from my company. I developed what I’ll call a fan base… regular customers who were fun to flirt with. What can I say? It’s the green apron.    One particular boy always looked lonely when he came in… so I made nice and invited him out with a friend and me one night. Little did I know… He proceeded to come in nearly every day (granted it was Starbucks and there are plenty of customers who come in multiple times a day). But I received a deluge of phone calls and text messages from what I found out was a very unstable person. When I began working in a more professional environment, he began to come by my office… just stopping by to say hi. One of the last times I saw him he stopped by after his girlfriend’s funeral. She had committed suicide a few days prior. (SAY WHAT?!) I didn’t see him after that. But found out later from an acquaintance that he had been hospitalized (think Britney). Oy vey.

10. How long did your first heartbreak last?

My first real heartbreak was my sophomore year of college. We met the first few weeks of my freshman year and became inseparable…until May when he moved home for the summer to Florida and then onto a baseball camp in New York. Unfortunately we didn’t survive the distance. He was my first love and, while it felt more like light years, it took me several months to get over him. Fortunately, I survived and lived to tell about it.

11. Do you prefer to give/receive: a) jewelry b) chocolate c) lingerie d) tools?

How about money? Is that an option? I wouldn’t be mad about jewelry. Although I’m sure the only thing I’ll receive this year will be (like the last) a card from my mother.

12. If you are male, do you prefer Mary Ann or Ginger? If you are female, do you prefer McDreamy or McSteamy?

I have to agree with another fabulous Allison here… I would much, much rather have McVet. Adorable, stable, and not a man-ho. 

13. Would you rather be broken up with by: a) phone b) text message c) in person d) email e) carrier pigeon?

I’m going to have to say carrier pigeon, with hopes it would poop on the tool jerk messenger upon it’s return.  

14. What is your favorite Valentine’s Day candy?

Wine, martini, Stella Artois… or some eye candy would be nice…

Oh, you meant actual candy…  

Dating is for fools! January 30, 2008

I found out today that I did not get the job at CCHMC. It’s okay… I think I had already made peace with it, no matter the outcome. And I have a Plan B, which I have begun brainstorming. I’ll blog more about this later. But for now I guess I just need a funny. About three years ago I moved into my latest slum shack apartment and at about the same time started a new checking account after being convinced that the corporate five headed monster bank I was using were Nazis not very nice. (In my defense, the bank’s logo is red and black.) After creating my new account, I was caught a little off guard when my account rep asked me out to dinner. My only excuse was that I was in a public place and was too stupid dumbfounded to say no. (Well dressed, but not so cute, not even in a Monet sort of way.) He called a few days later and I tried to cancel, but he didn’t take the hint and just rescheduled. So a week later, we were off to PF Changs. I love their food and decided I could tolerate a couple of hours with an ugly boy in exchange for a free dinner. In the midst of our appetizer I could tell that something had caught his eye. A few minutes later, he excused himself and went to say hello to another table… rude. He came back and picked up our conversation where we’d left off… mildly impressive. And then just a few syllables later, a young woman appears at our table, impolitely introduces herself and tells me in her most catty tone that it’s very nice to meet me. Ouch, you don’t have to bite. I tell her in my most sunshiney voice that it is nice to meet her too. His ugliness, looking a bit like a kicked puppy, excuses himself again and walks her outside. I would guess that he was out there for a good 20 minutes. My waiter (who was cute!) brought the meal and checked on me a second time. Not one to spoil a good meal on someone else’s drama, I happily dined alone and invited him (the waiter) to join me. My “date” eventually did come back and when I asked if everything was alright, simply responded yes. No other explanation was offered. Check please… Taxi!

Hello… Is this neurotic chocoholics anonymous? My cable is out again. January 29, 2008

I’ve been tagged by Allison to reveal some of my neuroses quirks… I couldn’t spoil the fun, but then I had a difficult time picking just six of them. So many weird things eccentricities to choose from. Hopefully I chose some entertaining ones. Enjoy! 

The rules are:
* link to the person who tagged you
* post the rules on your blog
* share six non-important things/ habits/ quirks about yourself
* tag at least 3 people at the end of the post and link to their blogs
* let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

1.   I eat chocolate cold. If I buy a chocolate bar or kisses, I immediately put them in the refrigerator when I get home. I’m not sure when I began doing this or why. I just dig the way it tastes. I also eat all Hershey bars one square at a time. On the slim chance that I’m eating Lucky Charms, I’ll eat all of the marshmallows last and I’ll eat them one color at a time. When I was a kid, I ate one item on my plate at a time and I would always eat the meat last. Apparently, I was neurotic from birth.

2.   I haven’t had cable in 5 years. And I only miss it occasionally. Usually in the winter on Sunday afternoons when every channel is playing the same infomercials over and over. Thanks, but I’m not interested in the Jack Lalane juicer (that weird jumpsuit he wears kind of freaks me out) or Tony Little’s Gazelle (Tony, please stop yelling… and oh yeah, the 80’s called and they want their permed mullett back).

3.   Pens without caps drive me crazy. I especially hate it when someone uses my pen and then leaves it on my desk open. It has a cap, put it back on. You got it out of my pen cup, make it find it’s way back there. Leaving an open pen on top of the post-it note, doesn’t make me respond to your request more quickly.

4.   For my 30^th birthday, I got a tattoo. I promise it’s not a “tramp stamp.” It’s a red lotus, which means purity of heart, and it’s on my right hip. If you asked me on my 20^th birthday if I’d ever have a tattoo, I would’ve said “No way, Jose.” Proof how much people can change in 10 years time. Most people, even close friends were really surprised. I love it… the tattoo and the fact that I can still surprise people from time to time.

5.   When I shop for books I usually buy 2 or 3 at a time and then try to read all of them at once. I know, how very ADD of me. (Just think of kids at Christmas who try to play with all of their new toys at once.) After a week or so… I get overwhelmed and stop reading all of them. Then about a month later, I start reading them again… one at a time.

6.   I frequently drive away from my apartment wondering if I locked my front door. And every once in a while I’ll actually circle the block (I live on a one-way), so that I can be sure that I did. I live in a first floor apartment, so it’s all in the name of security. But here’s the thing… it’s never once been unlocked. As a side note: I’ve been having a recurring dream that I’ve left for work in the morning and my car has been stolen. The first few nights I had this dream, I actually went to my window to make sure it was still there.

I tag:

Dawn 

Sarah in the Suburbs

I heart the laundramat January 24, 2008

I do not enjoy the laundramat. Not one bit actually. But it’s a better alternative than going downstairs to my building’s creepy basement where I find an equally scary washer and dryer that has been known to eat my clothing, and where finding a working light bulb can many times be a crap shoot. I generally try to do my laundry at least once a week. Seeing as how I am not the Incredible Hulk, I can only muster carrying one basket at a time. And I absolutely loathe the people who bring in trash bag upon trash bag of dirty clothes and take up 6 or 8 washers/dryers. (A: don’t wait until your last pair of underoos to do laundry. And B: trash bags? seriously? buy a laundry basket, they sell them at the dollar store, for the love.) I generally take up 3 washers/dryers per visit. More than 4 is kind of selfish. I have learned to have at least a little appreciation for the laundramat… I grab a book, stop and flirt with my favorite Starbucks barista, then listen to my iPod and have some “Allison time” for an hour and a half while my clothes are spinning. And if nothing else, it can be good people watching. There’s generally at least one freak there. Last night’s gem… I was the “good people watching.” Since I generally patronize the mat about once a week, I just keep my laundry detergent and dryer sheets in my trunk. Great idea when it’s not cold like Antarctica outside. Since the past several days have brought tundra-like temperatures to my town… not so much! My bottle of All Free Clear seemed a little heavier than usual, but I didn’t think much of it since I was delicately balancing a purse, laundry basket, and aforementioned bottle of All in my short little arms. I meticulously separated my darks, lights, and whites and fed the hungry machine it’s snack of quarters. Opened my bottle of All and started pouring detergent in the machines. Hmm… nothing came out. Interesting. I shake the bottle. Nothing. I look inside the bottle. There was liquid goo in there. What the heck? Oh… oops. Can you say frozen boys and girls? I knew you could. Yup. I’m a smart one.

Don’t listen to “them.” January 21, 2008

They say “Time heals all wounds.” But how much time? This wound has been an open sore for quite some time now, it seems. And it hasn’t gotten any easier. If I was a wiser person, I would have most likely given up by now. But perhaps I am a glutton for punishment. For the past few months, I’ve had that thing called hope. But some days I wonder if hope is just a pipe dream. I wish I could move along. But I can’t. I’m not sure why. I’ve tried putting a bandaid on, but it doesn’t stay attached very well. Every time someone mentions the wound, a little piece of the bandaid comes off, and little by little the entire wound is exposed again. I’m highly functional and living life… but the wound is still there. And I think it might always be. I took a great risk and while there was great reward temporarily, there was great heartbreak in the end. Why is it that some can move past the pain and others can not? I’m not sure what will heal this wound, this hurting, this heartbreak. I’m not sure it ever will ever be healed. And I’m definitely not convinced that time is going to much of anything.

Is it Thursday yet? January 14, 2008

My second interview at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital is on Thursday morning. I’m feeling very anxious right now. I almost wish it were Wednesday evening instead of Monday afternoon. I’m trying to prepare as much as I can, but I get really nervous during interviews. Which is funny… because I’ve done a lot of phone recruiting as well as some face to face interviews. As much as I know about the process, it still scares me to death. But I know that all I can do is prepare myself and go in with confidence. The rest I can’t control. And if they don’t choose me, then it just means there is something better out there waiting on me. Wish me luck!    

my new year January 3, 2008

I have to be honest; I’m not a big fan of “New Years.” I generally find the whole concept to be a little silly. I mean, we’re just putting up a new calendar, right? Does anyone actually keep their list of resolutions?  

I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster the last year or so, especially the last couple of months. And I’ve been doing a lot of thinking… thinking about who I am, what my goals are, how I can improve and grow, what lessons I’ve been learning.  

Here’s what I’ve come up with… 

I have amazing friends. I have this inner circle of people in my life that are just wonderful people. The circle changes from time to time, but I know that the people in it really have my best interests at heart. What also brings me joy, are the people who I might not talk to every day, but who really step up for me when I’m going through a difficult time.  

My family loves me. They may not always be there for me in the way that I need them. They may hurt my feelings, drive me crazy, and act like jerks sometimes. But I know that underneath it all, they really do love me. And that’s the important thing.  

That being said… I need to start creating boundaries. I can’t control others, but sometimes I let them control me. I let other people influence my decisions and my actions. This isn’t always a bad thing. Many times people give me great advice. However, I tend to get caught up in the negative sometimes. I let people upset me, who are not important and who don’t have my best interests at heart. I need to have the clarity to see who is appropriate to let in, and who I need to just leave on the fringes of my life.  

I need to stop “sweating the small stuff.” Sometimes I don’t even realize that I do it. I definitely don’t mean to. I think it’s a product of me being stressed about other things and not dealing with them properly. So instead of focusing on little things that don’t matter, I need to figure out what I’m really upset about and focus on fixing that instead.  

I need to stop being passive-aggressive. I want to make some changes in my life. I’m scared to make them and I get overwhelmed easily. If something is too hard, I either ignore it or run for my life in the opposite direction. So I get nothing done, whatever the situation is, it’s still there and it’s staring me in the face. Then I get stressed about it and I start “sweating the small stuff” because I’m too afraid to deal with the big stuff.  

I need to enjoy the moment, instead of worrying about the future. The future is going to come, whether I worry about it or not. I only have so much control and the rest I can’t do anything about. So why not put my fear and anxieties aside, and enjoy what’s happening in the present…  

These things are easier said than done. I’ve experienced a lot in almost 32 years. Not all of it has been positive. I’ve been deeply hurt by people I trusted. And that makes it hard to change, hard to grow, hard to let go of the defense mechanisms and the strongholds that I’ve clung to for so long. But I know that it’s time to make some changes around here.  

Clarity and courage… those are my resolutions for 2008… so bring it on.