I’m not really a big fan of rollercoasters in the real world, and I prefer not to be on them theorectically either. But I’ve certainly been on the equivilant of one emotionally for the last few weeks…
After Thanksgiving I genuinely thought that my exboyfriend and I would work things out. Last week, any dream of that faded when he made it clear that he just wanted to be single. I am devestated. I love this man more than I ever thought that I could. I miss him all of the time… even those little things that drove me crazy sometimes. My heart breaks knowing that he doesn’t feel the same. It breaks even more knowing that Christmas is probably the last time I’ll see him or his family, who I’ve also grown to love. It’s that pain that hurts deep in your body… in that place that you can’t quite describe… that makes you double over and lose your breath.
I applied for a couple of positions in my field over the weekend. I was really excited when I got a phone call on Monday from the large non-profit that I applied to. I thought wow, they must really like my resume. Of course, when I actually spoke to them, they were just verifying that I met their minimum requirements. I’m not out of the running just yet, but obviously I’m not their ideal candidate on paper. Once again, the fact that I didn’t complete my education is kicking me in the ass.
So what I’m saying is that I’m ready to get off this ride.
